Back in the early 90s I was an active member of the Milton Keynes group. Last year I published A book recording my journey into wholeness. It's called Breaking Free Me and You stepping into Gods Love. It's available from Good News Books or Amazon. You might Like to consider adding this to your book list. I'd be happy To talk with any groups nearby about how I found healing and forgiveness JoDoherty e-mail jodoherty1945@gmail.com
Regarding Bryan Sweeney's comment of 9 April 2016 it is my understanding that what his priest told him was never right and the CATHOLIC Church has always reserved to itself the right to declare marriages null whether they were solemnised in the Catholic Church or elsewhere. So if I were Bryan I would not wait a month to do something but if his wife is happy to begin the annulment procedure she should approach her local tribunal immediately. I can provide their contact details if necessary. To the best of my knowledge all of the tribunals in England and Wales welcome direct approaches with the single exception of Hexham and Newcastle and some actually prefer the direct approach because, like the Pope, they realise that some priests are out of touch and not expert in the annulment procedure.
The church had locked itself into a straightjacket on the question of divorce. Often the innocent party is left facing a lonely life without hope and with no support or understanding from the clergy. In my own case my new wife was a member of the Church of England ( CoE ) and her previous husband left her with three young girls. When I approached my priest for advice on our intended marriage he said that she would have to obtain an annulment from the CoE as her previous marriage was regarded by the Catholic Church as a sacred ceremony. My wife approached the local CoE to obtain an annulment but was told that since the CoE now allow divorcees to freely remarry in their Church that annulment proceedures had been superseded . The Pope yesterday said that some clergy were not fully in touch with the real world and instead are more comfortable with an ideal or make believe one. I will wait for a month or so for the local Bishop to rethink his guidance on this question in light of the Pope's new insight and then approach my local church clergy for their comments.
Five years ago, I was diagnosed with a medical condition, I lost my job and my catechist wife decided she wanted a divorce. I went to my local parish for guidance, support or mediation but he never answered my calls. I called into other priests, but they volunteered nothing other than prayer. My wife sued me and had me expelled from my home. A few months later, my kid`s catholic school sued me too and church authorities were again unwilling to engage. I came to the realization that I believe prayer is a complement to our earthenly actions, but that many catholics resort to prayer to excuse themselves off a thorny issue. To me, this is full scale hypocrisy, and I felt very much abandoned to my sorts. I redressed my faith out of catholic practices and am no longer interested in receiving communion, prayers or marriage annulment, but am very interested in meeting open minded and action-committed clergy or lay catholics worldwide. You are very welcome to write to me at pablo5850@gmail.com
Hello! I'm so happy to find your details. I am a divorced & anulled catholic but married to Ellie, an american from Illinois, in 2005 in the Unitarian Universalist church. It's a long & messy story as these stories are. I'm currently a disabled & housebound pensioner but receive support & communion from a lady deacon in the Church in Wales. I'd love to share more with others in a similar situation & happy to share more of my situation. With love & blessings. Dave Stanley 4 Llys y nant Nant mawr road BUCKLEY CH7 2BE tel 01244 540 397
I just found about you by chance, or by God´s inspiration. He is my only friend in London, so more than ever our conversations are close... Lately, and because of my new circunstances, I remember the awful end of my marriage and how deep is the pain and the desastre in my life and my daughters life ... I will never understand such a bad treatment, I will never get healthy in mind or soul ... I keep asking God " Why ??? " ... I can not forget, I can not feel that " love for my enemy " ... I´m coming back to anger after I was really in peace not thinking in my past ... But things always come soonner or later to the point of remembering my most great enemy and ripper .... I feel lonely as I never did before. I feel in a dark path to no where ... I feel Im getting my end as a woman without having the joy of justice ... For the first time in my life, and as a consecuence of what I´ve seen in London about my daughters pains and hard circunstances of life, I have to say that its not possible for me to forgive that man, no possible at all. God is taking me to a funny moment of life .... I hope not to lose my HOPE Thanks for meeting a catholic grup like yours God bless you all !!
I have just found your website and do not, now feel so alone After being treated as something of an outcast knowing I am not so alone makes a difference. After many years of trying to find some answers hopefully I can go on to find more. God Bless to all of you and all who visit your site
I am a cradle Catholic, former alter server and was a Eucharistic Minister for many years. To cut a long story short I went through a divorce after 23 years of marriage and down the line married again to a wonderful woman who shares my Christianity. As a divorced and remarried Catholic I am no longer welcome to receive communion when I attend Mass. I can't see a way forward that will allow me to once again take my place in full communion with my church, and this deeply saddens me. I pray that one day the church will find a way to forgive and receive me once more.
I've been married for nearly 25 years of which after spending time with my family whilst dealing with trauma, depression, I was blessed to have the time spent with my mother, who unbeknown at the time had terminal cancer. When I rejoined my husband, he had suffered shock after a freak event in a car made him concussed for 6 hours and contributed to his ill health. The following months he was not him self and after news of his father's cancer walked out of my life. I at the time got by by growing my own food, and made friends volunteering, who in turn gave moral support. Just before I returned to my family I found out indirectly that he had suffered a heart attack and was in hospital. My friends drove me to the hospital, where I was turned away after the experience was too upsetting for him even to the extent of having his eyes closed all the time. The medical staff told me to leave and not to visit again. A lot more trauma was involved, but I found comfort in prayers through the sorrow. When last Sunday I went to church I came across the directory where I found ASDC and again knowledge that I too wasn't the only one that believed you got married for life, and amid many people saying you can get married again, I didn't have the same opinion. Sometimes amongst friends we do share different beliefs; marriage can be harder than paid work, especially sorting out emotional problems in stressful lives whereby finances and others opinions clash with the true reason we chose to live as one. Separation from something deeply rooted isn't possible other than by an acceptance to let the other have their happiness if they can no longer see it in front of them.
Please could you say prayers for me - my book Heartfelt Prayers is going forward to an editorial committee for their consideration. I want to reach people with my prayer book which I had put on this website previously. I feel the time is so right at the moment. God Bless
I am replying to post number 20 put up on 7th of August 2015 03:05 PM by Jackie who lives in the Portsmouth Diocese. I apologise for being so late in responding but afraid I have not been checking the website very often and have only now seen this post. In 2011 Dr William Naylor published a book "Female Perception of the Annulment of Marriage in the Catholic Church" which I think should be valuable reading for anyone in Jackie's situation. Even I got a lot out of reading it and I am not even a woman!! The ISBN Number is 978-1-4626-4110-9. You will also find much relevant material in Fr Tim Buckley's book "What Binds Marriage", first published in 1997 with the ISBN number 0-225-66845-9 but there was a later second edition which I cannot put my hand on at present. Both of these books are available from Amazon. I have met many people who have been through the annulment procedure and their experiences vary from finding it a piece of cake to being very traumatic and difficult. My own experience was nothing short of outrageous, with a fumbling ecclesiastical bureaucracy taking over twenty years to reach a negative conclusion, overturning the initial court’s annulment decree on such grounds as the judges just not believing that the sworn experience of the claimant could have happened and that the evidence was collected by mere lay people but no further opportunity was afforded me to present the same and further newly discovered evidence to acceptable clerical auditors. If Jackie happens to see this belated response to her post and would like to make further contact my e mail address is tony@tfinnegan.me.uk.
I found this site yesterday and so relieved to have done so. I am applying for an annulment from a civil divorce completed in 1982 in order to be accepted into religious life. I wonder if anyone would be willing to share their experience of the process. I have a first formal interview in October and have little idea of what to expect, I am under the Portsmouth diocese. Thank you do much.
When my husband left me (1984) with 2 young children, I happened to go to Mass one Sunday at the church in Nottinghill where the pp was Fr Michael Hollings who was drawing attention in his newsletter to the ASDC in London (Warwick St) and, eventually, I went along. It was such a relief to find other Catholics in the same position and I can't tell you how much I owe to ASDC for keeping me sane in those early days, and all through the process of divorce and before annulment in 1988. Before long we started satellite groups in Fulham and then Chiswick in west London and many gathered for the first national conference (Westminster 1986). Cardinal Hume came, and listened, and agreed to sponsor the training of those among us who would be selected to join the training course to become crisis counsellors for other Catholics following separation or divorce. We went back into our parishes and helped others on a one-to-one basis, encouraging people to join the ASDC when they felt up to doing so: it was all so encouraging. My own pp (in Chiswick) was quick to offer me his support (and paid for me) and so I joined with 20 others for 6 residential weekends. I'll never forget one priest who came to talk (to our very small meeting in someone's sitting room) was Fr Gerard W Hughes SJ. He was inspirational, as a guide and a writer. There is a link to his blog above, I hope it works. If not, do say and I will email it to you (but need your address). Fr Gerry sadly died on 4 November 2014 and a service of thanksgiving for his life is taking place at noon tomorrow, Saturday 17th January 2015 at St Chad's Cathedral in Birmingham. I only discovered this today and am unable to make it. But I will catch up with his blog and have 2 of his books "In Search of a Way" and "God of Surprises". I commend his writings to you and may he rest in peace. Best wishes and prayers for you and all ASDC members and visitors to your lovely (new to me) website.
Hi I have just found your website and as a Catholic who attends Mass on a weekly basis, I met a divorced Catholic at Church. She applied for an annulment but this was rejected ( I still have my own doubts about the process and whether on this occasion it was a fair process. But I am moving on. We are planning on marrying shortly. Our Parish Priest has agreed to attend our reception after a civil ceremony. Can we receive communion? Can we receive any blessing in a church not as a form of marriage but just so that we feel part of the Parish which we intend to continue to attend. Look forward to any comment from other readers of this excellent website.
Have been trying very hard to save 45 year marriage but what does one do and where does one go to live ! Am practising catholic living a lonely life in a loveless marriage.
I would like to know if there any support groups or retreat weekends coming up in Hertfordshire or Bedfordshire? I have been separated for 2 years after a 35 year marriage. I am still coming to terms with the trauma of my marriage breakdown. It would be great to talk to people who have experienced the same trauma as no-one really understands unless they have experienced it themselves.
just to say i have just found out about this group and would like to know if i can join one in bedfordshire i have been devorcied since 1982 go to church and am a member of the S v P in our church but have never heard of this group thank you
I think my 22year marriage is coming to an end although I am doing everything I can to save it. I am a Catholic, my wife isn't. We have two young children who are being raised in the Catholic faith. I am devastated but this website has made me realise I am not the only person going through this pain. Are there any support groups in the Midlands?
Please pray for my husband and I after 24 years of marriage I sadly feel I can no longer live with my husband. It is a decision which has taken a long time to come to and one which is causing much pain. However you sometimes have to accept you can not change things and have to make horrible decisions in order to survive . I hope in time we can find light in the darkness we find ourselves in at the moment .your prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you x
hi, i posted here back in June and got my annulment a month ago!!! Am being received into the Church on Easter Day. Thanks Francis, Mary and all praying others
Hello Happy New year to all members. I have been a member since 1989 and I would just like to say what a wonderful organisation it is.The friends I have made and the trips abroad we have made together will not be forgotten. Thank you ASDC for being there. Liz Deegan, Harrow
Hello I am the national secretary and welcome everyone to this website. Please feel free to contact me for reading literature (as on this website) to help. I read "Suddenly Single" - I kept exclaiming 'yes! this is me - this is just how I feel.' It was such a tremendous help. I went on a Beginning Experience weekend which helped me to find my own closure and hope for the future. It was so very emotional but well worth it! Please do contact us - website, email me, phoneline, write.... we know how you feel!! God' Blessings and God's love be with you all
hi buys, have just come across this wonderful website . I'm a Convert (from Anglo Catholicism) and my husband and I are going through the annulment process (he's just got his) so that we can re-marry as RCs. I would like to encourage anyone who embarks on this traumatic and stressful journey with no guarantee of success that it IS worth it. Mine's just gone to the Appeals Tribunal so there's no guarantee for mine yet. Prayers would be very grateful especially to St Anthony and St Francis. It is stressful and traumatic but I believe that it is fundamentally right to do so. There are some in my church who've not been successful but they still play a large part of life in the church. Bless you all
Please pray for me, my husband has left me with two children, I don't know how I'm going to get through this. But worse of all he hasn't only betrayed me but God also as he said those vows. Marriage is for ever and that is how I saw it, now I'm just lost x pray for my soul x
This is the first time I have seen this site. I am not a Catholic but I do believe in God, I want to thank you for this site which is very informative and helpful. I have read every page including the Heartfelt prayers. Thank you all very much
Great news that there are retreats held in Plymouth and I would love to publicise future events. Please either put details in a comment in this guest book or e mail me (Tony Finnegan, e mail 30avarn@tfinnegan.org.uk) and I will put an entry on the main menu of the website. God bless. TONY
I work with the Plymouth diocese and offer retreats for those who have experienced separation or divorce. We will run a weekend 11th-13th January 2013 and would welcome future events being publicised on your site
Hello - I now live in the West Country near Barnstaple in Devon; there don't appear to be any support groups close to me. Has anyone else from this area made any enquiries? Do you have any suggestions who to contact to see if there are any other groups available in the West Country? Many thanks in advance for your assistance.
I'm so glad that I found this site, it has given me some very useful information. After getting married when very young, feeling unable to get out of the relationship and ending up separated within 6 months of marriage I have always felt ashamed of my past. I remarried and have been in a happy, fulfilling, contented marriage for over 6 years and produced 2 beautiful children but being unable to take my children to communion makes me sad. Reading up on annulment has given me hope that I may one day be able to have my first marriage annuled and make this happy marriage accepted in the eyes of the church. I hope that my priest can help my husband and I through this and hopefully one day we can marry in our church, that would be amazing and wonderful!
Thank you so much for sharing so many heartfelt prayers. Reading others prayers to our Lord has given me so much strength to carry on in the face of dispair and reminded me how precious my God given life is. I pray for all those that feel the burden of being alone and give thanks to God that he has brought us together to find comfort in his Love God Bless L East Sussex
Please would you pray for me & my family as my husband is walking out on me after 40 years of marriage, Are there any groups that meet in the Birmingham area? Thank you. God bless
This is a start up comment from the website manager and I hope it will encourage others to follow site and send comments about the site, or about the ASDC or about anything that might be of interest to separated and divorced Catholics. The guest book is an experiment and messages are limited to about 400 words. Following a previous bad experience with guest books this one uses the Captcha spam reducing mechanism and is also "monitored" which means that no message can be seen by others until I have approved it. I look forward to your posts. TONY FINNEGAN